Exciting, non-Christmas news to kick off December! Gather round:

-- Ashton Kutcher playing Steve Jobs; Amanda Seyfried playing Linda Lovelace; Kerouac being drunk

  • Sundance Film Festival released its list of out-of-competition premieres for the festival. Many of these films have one or two names you may recognize, but most of the movies you'll never see or hear of again. One that's already getting some buzz is Lovelace, starring Amanda Seyfried as the abused porn star Linda Lovelace. It'll either be the next Boogie Nights, or be like every other movie ever made about the porn industry. Big Sur, an adaptation of Jack Kerouac's autobiographical novel, shows Kerouac in a brand new light: as a drunk. Also, Ashton Kutcher, the artistic visionary behind the iconic performances in The Butterfly Effect and What Happens in Vegas, plays the late Steve Jobs in the annoyingly capitalized jOBS, though it'll be in vain -- Aaron Sorkin is adapting the Walter Isaacson biography for another film, which will certainly make more money and win more awards than this one.

-- Fleetwood Mac Tour

  • Mac is back, baby! The most incestual band in rock history is getting ready for another tour, this one a a 34-show jaunt that includes a stop at TD Garden in Boston on April 18. According to guitarist/singer Lindsay Buckingham, the show will be 75 percent hits, 25 percent other stuff, so basically they'll play all of Rumours, most of Fleetwood Mac, "Gypsy," "Think About Me," "Say You Will" and probably some pre-Buckingham/Stevie Nicks, Peter Green-era crap.

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    The whole group will be back, except for Christine McVie, who's off doing... whatever it is she's doing.

-- Seth MacFarlane "A Million Ways to Die in the West"

  • For his next number, animation dominator Seth MacFarlane will direct and star (as a live-action version of himself this time) in A Million Ways to Die in the West. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film, which MacFarlane wrote along with fellow Ted manatees Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, is a "Blazing Saddles-style movie" set in an 1800's western landscape with modern humor, which means the local blacksmith will probably make jokes about Honey Boo Boo.

-- 20th anniversary of the text message

  • Monday marked the 20th anniversary of the world's first text message, which was probably something like "This is awesome!" or "What's the deal with this Wu-Tang Clan?" According to Forrester Research, 6 billion SMS texts are sent every day in the United States, many of which come just when you're about to fall asleep. Will texting last another 20 years with the advent of mobile social media? As long as athletes and congressmen still need a private way to send their illicit photos, texting is probably here to stay.

-- Cher's first new album in 12 years, Woman's World, is coming out in march

  • Oh wait, I said this news was supposed to be exciting.

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